As the Scottish League Cup Semi-Finals threw the entire fixture list out of whack, my reckless decision to title the first of these posts with reference to the current gameweek caught up with me.
I also had the disastrous idea to summarise every fixture of the last two weeks, rather than just the three fixtures played during gameweek 10, and as such was blindsided by the great /soccer flair apocalypse, during which my beloved soccerbot was taken from me, making this whole thing very difficult and time-consuming to put together.
True to form, the high drama of the subreddit was matched by a whirlwind of baw-grabbing, coin-throwing, and general bampot behaviour across the Scottish Professional Football League.
Without further ado, here is a blow-by-blow of the last fortnight. Please bask in my artistic endeavours as I attempt to cope without flairs.

Tuesday 23/10/18

Scottish Premiership


Dundee	0 - 3	Heart of Midlothian

I’m going to make an effort to be succinct with these because we’ve a lot to get through, but what must be made clear is that Dundee are just as rotten under Jim McIntyre as they were under Neil McCann. The most valuable thing they have contributed this season is the glimmer of hope they’ve given St Mirren.
Calvin Miller’s horrendous penalty effectively summarises their season so far. That followed a nice free-kick from Oliver Bozanic, and a tap-in from the BADWORD goal machine that is Steven Naismith. Steven MacLean’s goal scored 21 seconds after half-time compounded Dundee’s misery.
Highlights.

Saturday 27/10/18

Scottish Premiership


Kilmarnock	1 - 1	Hamilton Academical

If you were to hear the words “El Plastico” you might assume that one of City, PSG, Chelsea etc. would be involved, but Kilmarnock - Hamilton really dwarves any such rivalries. This is the battle between the two hosts of the best-established top-flight artificial pitches in Scotland. Buckle up.
Hamilton’s youth may have edged past FC Basel in Europe, but their senior team couldn’t find a winner against a Kilmarnock side that had won their last 4.
In the end, Steven Boyd was sent off. Before the end, Dougie Imrie seemed to put Hamilton ahead, before a tidy Rory McKenzie finish cancelled it out a minute before the break, putting Killie into 2nd at the time.
Highlights.


St. Johnstone	2 - 0	St. Mirren

I don’t know if I was the only Scottish child who assumed this match had to be some kind of derby, based purely off the teams’ names. St Mirren’s last point came against Celtic less than halfway through September, and I really can’t help but feel sorry for Oran Kearney, having made the decision to begin his full-time management career at such a disaster of a club.
St Johnstone were incredibly wasteful, with Tony Watt missing two *Iain Dowie voice* gilt-edged chances, before he and Liam Craig missed a further two penalties, book-ended by goals from David Wotherspoon and Matty Kennedy.
No shots on target for St. Mirren.
Highlights.

Sunday 28/10/18

Scottish League Cup


Heart of Midlothian	0 - 3	Celtic

Having been denied the Hampden Royal Rumble after a last-minute allusion to competence by the SFA, the first of the Scottish League Cup semi-finals kicked-off at Murrayfield between the top-two teams in the country.
Stealing the limelight as this fixture opened up was 36 year-old Hearts striker Steven MacLean. Having made it clear that he “hoped Celtic got pumped” by RB Leipzig midweek, MacLean became the central figure in an incident now affectionately referred to by the BBC as “Bawsgate.”
Eboué Kouassi was the victim of the Hearts captain’s indiscretion, with MacLean having assumed the armband after Steven Naismith had to leave the pitch due to injury, another serious injury-shaped dent in the Hearts title charge.
Celtic broke the deadlock through Scott Sinclair, before James Forrest laid claim to a goal that could well have been Ryan Christie’s. No doubt about Christie being given the third, mind. Some hit.
Celtic now storm into the first of this season's finals as they look to complete the treble-treble, or the 'treble', if you will.
Extensive highlights, with commentary, here.


Aberdeen	1 - 0	Rangers

Last time I posted one of these I went on a 1000 word rant about Aberdeen, and I have to say the temptation to write another thousand words here is very strong indeed, although this time just to bam the Rangers up a bit.
No strangers to the big occasions, Rangers fans (if they get let into the stadium) know how to create an intimidating atmosphere, and that they did by taking up all of the West Stand with the most honking display you’re ever likely to see.
Alan McGregor left one on Gary Mackay-Steven after play had stopped, in just about the only first-half action in the Rangers box, but escaped again without any acknowledgement by the referee.
Despite Rangers demanding the Lion’s share of possession for the entirety of the match, when the inevitable goal did come, it was thanks to the nephew of iconic Rangers captain Barry Ferguson, Lewis, who happens to be an Aberdeen player.
Whilst Umar Sadiq opted to dive instead of actually being tackled for the penalty that would level things, Rangers continued to dominate without really doing much, and so Ferguson’s goal sent Aberdeen through. There aren’t many petty little things like that which could bring so much joy to an Aberdeen fan, but the official twitter proclaiming that “We Are The People, who are heading to the final” did come quite close.
Nothing more to say that hasn’t already been said on Shay Logan’s snapchat story.
Again, extensive highlights with commentary here.

Wednesday 31/10/18

Scottish Premiership


Heart of Midlothian	0 - 0	Hibernian

Whilst Rangers fans should be condemned for lobbing all sorts of coins and pyrotechnics at the Aberdeen support on Sunday, the real story of Scottish Football Fan Trouble (All Rights Reserved) comes from the Edinburgh Derby.
I’d like to begin by saying that I could have put my house on this being a 0-0 and sat pretty comfortably, knowing that Craig Levein would churn out the 4-6-0 formation immortalised by both him & Vicente Del Bosque; but that very nearly wasn’t the case.
Florian Kamberi was sent off for Hibs after a reckless 50-50 with Garuccio, and after an exciting game full of chances, Clévid Dikamona had the ball in the back of the net for Hearts in the 91st minute, only to see his header ruled out for offside. As Hibs manager Neil Lennon rather flamboyantly told the Tynecastle crowd to sit back down, he was hit by a coin. This followed a Hibs fan punching Hearts keeper Zdeněk Zlámal in the face, and other extremely disgraceful behaviour from the Hearts faithful.
The whole debacle led to a joint statement from the two clubs, throwing the entire Scottish Statement League into disrepute, and a genuinely well-written post by Zlámal which served as a less distracting condemnation.
All the drama you could ask for in a derby, minus any goals.
Highlights here.


Rangers	1 - 1	Kilmarnock

Despite Rangers having lost the Ginger Ramos, this match went down exactly the same way as the corresponding fixture of last year. An increasingly scrutinised Rangers manager, having dropped 12 points in 10 games and lost the League Cup semi-final, is held by a Kilmarnock equaliser at home. I’m not the one who noticed this, by the way.
That result saw Pedro Caixinha sacked, although it probably helps Gerrard’s case that he didn’t bomb out of the Europa League in a qualifying round against Progres Niederkorn.
Recent results have not been stellar though, and after an insipid performance against Spartak and the impotent showing against Aberdeen, Gerrard has pointed out that goals are going to need to come from somewhere other than Alfredo Morelos this season, in no uncertain terms.
His 9th-min goal was cancelled out 6 minutes later by Greg Stewart, who is in some form. First points dropped by Rangers at Ibrox this season.
Highlights.


Livingston	0 - 1	St. Johnstone

If I’m not mistaken then Livi went into this match with the best defensive record in the division, which speaks for their incredible start to the season.
However it only took Matty Kennedy 5 minutes to open the scoring, and that was enough to end an 8-match unbeaten run for the hosts.
Highlights.


Aberdeen	3 - 0	Hamilton Academical

Aberdeen will have been hopeful that the semi-final result would be the catalyst that gets their season going, after a horrible opening 9 games.
Hamilton’s defensive shape proved difficult for the Dons to bypass, with Scott McKenna and Mikey Devlin singlehandedly taking a stab at the Spanish passing record. It took a few moments of inspiration for Aberdeen to score, captain Graeme Shinnie trading his usual yellow card for a very nicely taken finish, before James Wilson scored the pick of the goals with a 25-yard bullet. Having decided to stop passing to centre-back partner Scott McKenna, Mikey Devlin scored from a good 30-yards after Gary Woods fumbled. Woods then went on to save a Shay Logan shot which was considerably more difficult to deal with, so fair play.
The cherry on the icing on the cake for Aberdeen was Hamilton captain Dougie Imrie, who had cut a frustrated figure for the whole game, being sent-off in the 92nd minute, and in doing so becoming the second Hamilton player in as many matches to be sent-off in added time. Have to feel that’s a bit frustrating for Martin Canning.
3 sweet goals and one shit tackle available for your enjoyment here.


St Mirren	0 - 2	Motherwell

If you just want to watch the highlights of this game, look no further than this Motherwell fan’s pitch-invasion.
I’m seriously running out of words to describe this St Mirren team, so I’ll just lift the words of the BBC match report and go for “woeful.” Motherwell haven’t been stellar either, but this result ended a run of 5 games without a win for them, whilst extending St Mirren’s run to 10. Yikes.
Outside-the-box goals from David Turnbull and Chris Cadden either side of half-time did the trick, before Ryan Flynn got himself deservedly sent-off.
Highlights.


Dundee	0 - 5	Celtic

Not to be outdone, Dundee. It seems to be clear that Celtic are back to their best, although there’s no chance they’d be racking up this kinda scoreline against top-of-the-table opposition, cough cough.
Rogic, Sinclair, Forrest and Edouard had it at 4-0 before halftime, and Dundee fans were spotted leaving in the 48th minute as Ryan Christie made it 5. If you believe any of the prestigious redtop tabloid newspapers, they were fleeing from the troublesome Celtic crowd, but if you’ve been to many football matches you’ll understand that they were probably leaving because they were getting absolutely turned over.
Daniel Arzani made his debut for Celtic, and as such is out for several months having sustained a knee-injury. Dundee boasted an aggregate score of 0-12 after their first 3 games under Jim McIntyre. New manager bounce.
Highlights, with some great goals.

Saturday 03/11/18

Scottish Premiership


St. Mirren	0 - 2	Rangers

I’m going to leave this very open to your interpretation, but it took until the 80th minute for a wayward Daniel Candeias cross to find the back of the net for Rangers.
The winger was then sent-off ridiculously by the Mike Dean of Scottish Football, Willie Collum, after being involved in a near-deadly brawl with the Anton Ferdinand. This wasn’t before Alfredo Morelos had tied the result up, and, sticking with the theme of the week, he had a coin thrown at him whilst he was celebrating.
7 defeats now, in a row, for a St Mirren team that were not without their chances.
Highlights.


Celtic	5 - 0	Heart of Midlothian

Oh dear.
I do have to feel sorry for Hearts because they are without Naismith, Souttar, Berra, and Ikpeazu - the first 4 people I would name if you asked me to list the Hearts squad; but as the 1st-placed team in the division, you would hope for a better showing.
Meanwhile I don’t even think it’s fair to say Celtic are back up and running, their domestic form is simply unbelievable. 20 goals in their last 4 league games after only scoring 7 in the first 7. Name a more iconic turnaround.
Edouard scored twice, commanding the respect of the opposition, and was joined by Leicester-loanee Filip Benkovic, James Forrest, and Ryan Christie on the scoresheet.
Wonder if Steven MacLean has the right word to describe how heavily Hearts have been defeated here?
Highlights.


Hamilton Academical	1 - 0	Livingston

If you’re a Hamilton fan and couldn’t make it to the second El Plastico of the season, you could rest assured in the knowledge that the club’s twitter will provide an authentic match-day experience. It’s as if you’re there.
In truth there wasn’t much to be missed. Mason Bloomfield scored only a minute after Mickel Miller was sent off in the 85th, and a second defeat in a row for Livingston means the team that occupied 2nd place earlier in the season now fall to 8th.
Highlights.


Hibernian	0 - 1	St. Johnstone

It’s a weekend of late goals, and, despite Adam Bogdan saving a penalty, Hibs suffered their first defeat at Easter Road in 2018 thanks to a 90th minute header from Joe Shaughnessy.
It’s certainly not all Sunshine on Leith just now (very sorry, I’m tired and have been writing this for some hours,) with talk floating that Neil Lennon may walk from the Hibs job on account of the abuse he suffers in Scotland. It’s inappropriate to joke there - despite Lennon being the perfect counterpart to Levein in the Edinburgh rivalry, and in my view a very necessary character in the league, I struggle to think of any active professional in British football who is on the receiving end of as much abuse. Couldn’t blame him for walking, certainly hope that he doesn’t.
Highlights.


Motherwell	1 - 0	Dundee

Still with us? This was Motherwell’s first home win of the season, and yet again they can thank a Turnbull banger. They still look a distance from the team that finished second in the Betfred and Scottish Cups to Celtic, but this win briefly put them within 4 points of the Aberdeen side that finished second in the league.
I really do have nothing else to say about Dundee.
Highlights.

Sunday 04/11/18

Scottish Premiership


Kilmarnock	1 - 2	Aberdeen

I don’t even know if it would be exaggerating to say that the first 45 minutes of this match are some of the worst Aberdeen have played in recent memory. Then again, today does mark 8 years since Celtic won 9-0 against Mark McGhee’s team, so perhaps a reality check is in order.
As I sat down to start this writeup yesterday, Aberdeen had not yet had a shot, whilst Killie had mustered 7. I was also exceptionally angry, having been subjected to Kris Boyd’s admittedly hilarious celebration in front of the away fans. If you’re not able to view Twitter, imagine if Antoine Griezmann was yer da, and he’d just smashed a word-record for steak-bake consumption. The kind of thing he might do then. Picture it.
Goading the opposition fans, despite being very in vogue, is the kind of thing you want to make sure you can back-up with a win, and whilst Killie may have looked like absolutely certain winners, they were completely terrible too.
Aberdeen got a Brucey bonus in the 73rd as Anderson diverted McGinn’s shot past MacDonald, and whilst no fans would have complained about a point given their performance, Lewis ‘the absolute boy’ Ferguson made it 1-2 in the 86th minute, wrong-footing MacDonald with his free-kick.
Highlights!
Phew, that was a lot to get through. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to manually create an updated Premiership table.

Table

#	Team	P	W	D	L	F	A	GD	Pts	Form
1	Heart of Midlothian	12	8	2	2	19	12	+7	26	L D W W L
2	Celtic	11	8	1	2	27	6	+21	25	W W W W W
3	Rangers	11	6	3	2	25	10	+15	21	W D W W L
4	Kilmarnock	12	6	3	3	18	12	+6	21	L D D W W
5	St. Johnstone	12	6	2	4	12	18	-6	20	W W W W L
6	Hibernian	11	5	3	3	21	11	+10	18	L D L W W
7	Aberdeen	11	5	3	3	15	10	+5	18	W W L W L
8	Livingston	11	5	3	3	12	7	+5	18	L L W D W
9	Motherwell	11	3	2	6	11	15	-4	11	W W L D L
10	Hamilton Accies	12	3	1	8	9	24	-15	10	W L D L L
11	St Mirren	12	1	1	10	5	25	-20	4	L L L L L
12	Dundee	12	1	0	11	5	29	-24	3	L L L L L

Championship Round Relegation Round
Took me a good 45 minutes that, so be appreciative.

BEST OF THE REST

Scottish Championship


Sat	03/11/18	Greenock Morton	5 - 1	Partick Thistle

Relatively-newly-appointed Partick Thistle manager Gary Caldwell felt the need to weigh in on the volley of abuse sent towards Neil Lennon by suggesting that the Hibs manager “brings it on himself,” so it seems appropriate to take a moment to breathe in this result, knowing that he was fully in charge of the team on the receiving end of this scoreline. Morton literally lit-up their home ground so much that the lights exploded.
Other notable scorelines from the past two weeks include wannabe pop-star and friend of Gok Wan Liam Fontaine’s Ross County beating this very same Morton team 5-0, Dumbarton’s 4-0 win over East Fife in their first game under new manager Jim Duffy the Vampire Slayer, and it finished all-square in the eagerly-anticipated Highland Derby. Finally, for fans of Peep Show, the match between Falkirk and Queen of the South involved David Mitchell saving a Dobbie penalty.
I think that will be plenty for now.
Don’t know about you but I’m exhausted. See yous next week!
^{Check out /ScottishFootball for good patter and quality discussion of the SPFL}
^{The last one of these can be found here: https://www.reddit.com/soccecomments/9qhqlg/fitba_roundup_spfl_gameweek_9/}
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Highlights as Hearts knock 'Well out of Betfred Cup

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Non-league football kicks off this weekend ⚽

Fitba Roundup: SPFL Gameweek 10/11/12

Tuesday 23/10/18

Scottish Premiership

Saturday 27/10/18

Scottish Premiership

Sunday 28/10/18

Scottish League Cup

Wednesday 31/10/18

Scottish Premiership

Saturday 03/11/18

Scottish Premiership

Sunday 04/11/18

Scottish Premiership

Table

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Scottish Championship

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Highlights as Hearts knock 'Well out of Betfred Cup